You don't have a free pass to comment on women's bodies
In the age of social media, it’s become so easy for women’s bodies to be the subject of public opinion. Every dark spot, excess fat, or natural difference could be met with an instant, unsolicited verdict.
Take, for example, that rallyist during the Sept. 21 anti-corruption protest who went viral after social media users pointed out the hair and discoloration on her underarms when she raised her fists and demanded accountability amid the flood control scandal. An influencer even suggested she try whitening creams and waxing so her armpits could be “rally-ready”—as if there's such a thing.
Even celebrities are not immune to this. Internet users were quick to comment that Bea Alonzo “gained weight” in her recent birthday photos, leading to pregnancy speculations. She later stressed that she’s just “glowing, not expecting,” and explained that the viral pictures were “just caught at a bad angle after an amazing dinner.” The same thing happened to Anne Curtis recently, when she shared a video of herself dancing in different spots in New York. The comments section of her post was filled with congratulatory messages on her “pregnancy” over a speculated baby bump that she quickly denied, noting she was just “full” and what she had was “more like a pizza bump.”
At first, these comments seem harmless and perfectly normal—some sound benevolent, even. But not many people realize that when you make such remarks on us, women, you make us the target of judgment we didn’t sign up for, even if it's far from what you actually intended to do. You turn the spotlight from who we are and what we do to how we look, making our appearance, instead of our character, the measure of our worth.
Clinical psychologist Wenna Brigaste pinpointed where the harm lies in this. “Uninvited comments on women's bodies could dampen their self-confidence and make them think twice about themselves,” she told PhilSTAR L!fe, detailing that it's because these words somehow give the idea that our previous state was not good enough after all. “It can get offensive, and by instinct, for many, they would really want to defend themselves.”
Trauma therapist and neuroscience research fellow Gang Badoy Capati explained how trauma can be caused by a negative unsolicited comment—even something as simple as your aunt pointing out that you gained weight at a family gathering. "Trauma is a mark the incident left. Trauma is wound; it's not the event, and usually, it's characterized by helplessness," she said in the fourth episode of L!fe's The Generations Podcast.
"When your tita says, 'Oh tumataba ka,' it's more malevolent because she's actually smiling. Of course, some of them are really mean, some titas really mean to hurt you, so I won't discount that. But that is traumatic because hindi ka nakapalag and without you knowing it, you will take it until you're older and then you have habits that change," she continued.
According to Capati, it could even lead to the extreme, like an eating disorder. "You have dysmorphia. You always think you're fat. You avoid family reunions thinking that your whole family is evil, but actually, you're just avoiding that aunt."
Unsolicited remarks on women’s bodies conceal more than what can be seen on the surface. Weight loss, weight gain, scars, dark spots, visible hair, cellulites—none of these provide a full picture of who we are. With your comments, you might even touch on deeply personal struggles, or deny us our right over the decisions we have made for ourselves. That one person you congratulated on her pregnancy without any confirmation? She may still not be ready to announce it, or may be dealing with infertility issues or the conscious choice of being childless. That one person you said “looks good” after losing weight? She may not be trying to shed pounds at all, or may be battling an illness, stress, or grief in secret.
The next time you feel tempted to type something about a woman's body with your triggered finger on the keyboard, take a pause and ask yourself: Do I know what’s going on in her life? Is my praise or "congratulations" genuine—or is it just hiding behind the mask of "concern" or "good intentions"?
The ultimate compliment is to talk about our motivations, our unique qualities, our intellect, our character. Celebrate what we do. Write something good, or nothing at all. When in doubt, remember that it boils down to the respectful choice of allowing us to exist fully. It's keeping in mind that you don't have a free pass to comment on our bodies—they're not for you to monitor, evaluate, or measure from your screen.
Our bodies change over time just as they should; there's no surprise in that. But they will be a subject of conversation only if you carelessly turn them into one.
