From unrequited love to unfulfilled dreams: How can you deal with your 'multo'?
Costume trends and demon-hunting resurgence are not what make Halloween and Undas quite different this year—it’s the reinvention of the word “multo.”
For the longest time, multo always had a singular meaning: the literal disembodied spirit. But similar to how “ghosting” could now refer to “sudden abandonment” in romantic relationships, the word "multo" has taken on a different meaning, thanks to rising pop rock band Cup of Joe.
“Multo”—as used in their longest-staying no. 1 song on Spotify—refers to lingering feelings, mostly linked to longing for a lost love.
The track, however, has been used by Pinoys as the unofficial “relapse” anthem, affixing meaning to their own "multo"—be it a painful regret, an unfulfilled dream, an unresolved conflict, or an unfinished business.
What's your 'multo'?
For private school teacher Jem Francisco, her multo is her “old self” who ended up lost during her lengthy stay at her university.
She used to be a consistent honor student, but not anymore when she took BS Math at UP and flunked her exams repeatedly. “Nami-miss ko ‘yung dati kong sarili. Bakit ganun? Ang tali-talino ko, ang galing-galing ko noon,” she said in an interview with PhilSTAR L!fe.
This led her to shift course twice before finally finishing her Bachelor of Arts in Education major in Filipino after eight embattled years.
In the latter part of her academic journey and even now as a teaching professional, Jem would confess to “relapsing” or feeling overwhelmed by old memories of her “former academically excellent self.”
She opened up about wondering if she would have achieved more than she does now, or if the good opportunities would have come to her sooner.
“Kung natapos ko agad ‘yung course ko, makakapasok kaya agad ako sa work? Ano na kaya ‘yung posisyon ko ngayon sa work ko? Academic head na kaya ako? May ganung thought pa rin sa akin,” she said.
For Theo (not his real name), his "multo" is the pain of unrequited love.
He fell for a co-worker in a production company with whom he shared a lot of interests. They would spend hours just discussing life problems and their favorite movies or series—sometimes even late at night.
“Nag-uusap kami to the point na pati ‘yung pagkakasulat nung plot tsaka characterization ng characters, pinag-uusapan at pinagtatalunan pa namin,” Theo recalled to L!fe. “Wala pa akong nakausap nang ganoon kaseryoso at ka-deep that time. Siya lang talaga.”
To express his love for her, he would give her "just because" gifts—small tokens that she would find cute or remind her of their favorite films.
The dilemma, however, was in making the big confession in the middle of an unfavorable set of circumstances. “Probationary employee pa ako noon at pa-end of contract na ako. Tapos karibal ko pa sa girl ‘yung katrabaho ko na mukhang pinapaburan na rin niya,” he said. “So paano ako magco-confess kung financially at romantically, dehado na agad ako, ‘di ba?”
Without bothering to speak with the girl and fight for his feelings, Theo left the company and tried to move forward on his own.
He admitted that it took him a year to get over the hurtful experience, resorting to listening to melancholic love songs and religious meditation to overcome heartache.
After four years, he would be surprised to find out the girl was engaged and married soon after.
His multo would then haunt him in the wee hours of the night, even in his sleep. He would ask himself: “Paano kung nanligaw ka?” “What if pinuntahan mo siya at hindi ka nagpaka-busy sa work?” “Bakit hindi ka gumawa ng paraan?”
The haunting 'multo': Let it stay or drive it away?
We all have our personal ghosts, but not all of us know how to deal with them.
Psychiatrist Kathyrn Tan and psychologist Lordy Santos told L!fe that it's through recognizing their presence that we can eventually find healthy ways to address them.
"They must be acknowledged, discussed, addressed, solved, or satisfied, but must never be avoided, as one will eventually be burdened and weighed down by their weight," said Santos.
For Tan, it's good to think about why your multo is there, what it means for you, and where it's coming from. "From there, see whether it's something you can control," she suggested. "Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves that we are just a thread in a big tapestry. Maybe that minor role will lead to how it's supposed to turn out."
Santos added that it's all about treating our multo without any judgment, and instead with kindness, better perspective, and understanding. "Remember: It's an expected part of being human."
He got specific as he gave advice on facing different kinds of multo.
"For an unfinished business, make a conscious effort to close the case by asking questions that need to be asked, or initiating conversations that you think should have occurred in the past," he said. "For unresolved conflicts, it's really through collaboration or maybe even compromise, since not all types of conflicts have a solution. But at least there would be a midpoint where both people can get some of what they want."
"For unsatisfied desires brought by uncontrolled circumstances, maybe satisfying them in another way could be an option. You might even realize it's not too late to pursue them and take action in the future," he added.
Tan noted there's always something we can learn from our multo. "Each situation may come out differently for each of us," she said. "Whether we label it as good or bad, we become better human beings out of it."
Looking back, Jem realized there's nothing wrong with letting the ghosts visit you from time to time. "Pero ‘wag mo siyang hayaang manatili," she continued. "We have to learn how to let go. Whether it’s a past love, whether it’s… ‘yung broken dreams natin. Later on sa buhay natin, it will get better."
For Theo, it helped when he chose to give it time and feel his feelings. "Daanan mo lang ‘yung masasakit na experience. ‘Di naman magtatagal ‘yan."
"You are not your multo," he mused. "Tutulungan ka lang niyan magdesisyon, pero ikaw pa rin ang babago sa takbo ng buhay mo."